Chaotic Days

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Pictures of flowers always subconsciously make me think of taking a breath.  This was taken at the Halifax Public Gardens of a special dahlia collection and various growers who have taken the time to create some beautifully coloured flowers.

One of the benefits of seeking awareness is having a better view of the thoughts and emotions that cycle through our heads. Visualizing them as though they are a film reel and we are sitting there with a bucket of popcorn watching. Yet chaotic events take place and suddenly we are in the film again and and the nice comfortable chair we had watching has been replaced by the storyline. We are living it once again.

The last week chaos has bubbled up in my life and important decisions that I hadn’t anticipated suddenly had to be considered and thought about.  Coincidentally I’m reading Michael A. Singer’s The Surrender Experiment and he poses this question early on:

“If the natural unfolding of the process of life can create and take care of the entire universe, is it really reasonable for us to assume that nothing good will happen unless we force it to?”

So we are faced with chaos and the habit is to settle back in and try and force the path. This question Michael poses made me stop and think.  Suddenly I was back in the chair.

When we are faced with chaos that attempts to unseat our mindfulness practice it’s important to remember that this is completely normal and it’s in those moments we really learn how to focus on the breath and draw our minds back out to the casual observer.  There is the chaos; I see it swirling but is it truly chaos or just life flowing and the chaos is my mind trying to fight against it and process it in the same old ways.

It’s often the case on the platform that these chaos swirls can instantly take us away.

“First set feels good.  Second set feels .. wait tired?  Ok third set feels .. oh wow this is heavy.  Fourth set isn’t going to be good…ok phew made it.  I’ll just do three reps on the fifth set.”

Chaos interrupts on a microcosm sometimes between each exercise as we discuss and formulate thoughts around the work that we are doing and the work we are putting in.  Breathe.  This has become a true focus for me on the platform to not dwell on the sets but it’s not easy; it’s a work in progress.  The process of life is working through each rep and trusting ourselves to get through it is important.  The mindset needed can be quickly refocused with a few focused breaths.  Watching the breath before we get set.  In…  Out…  In… Out… Ok time to get set.  Suddenly those early discussions fade and we are back at the bar and the fifth set actually feels good because we are no longer caught up in what our mind is telling us.

I haven’t yet made those decisions yet but I’m more comfortable letting life flow a little more to see how things unfold.


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